Building an Intentional Family in Great Britain: Navigating Class, Culture, and a Little Rain

Thursday, October 24, 2024. This is for my dear friend Patrick Sanford, whose play “Groomed” was recently performed at the Vatican.

Creating a family is never just about where you live; it's about how you live.

In Great Britain, the journey to building an intentional family—a family that consciously defines its values, priorities, and ways of connecting—comes with unique twists and turns.

Whether it’s the lingering influence of the class system or the love-it-or-hate-it weather, starting a family in the UK means adapting to a mix of old traditions and new challenges.

Let's consider what makes this journey so distinctive and how to navigate it with a bit of humor, patience, and an umbrella.

The Class System: More Than Just a History Lesson

You might think class divides are a relic of the past, but they remain a significant part of life in Britain.

While the Downton Abbey days are over, class differences still subtly shape how people approach relationships and, eventually, family life.

Differences in class backgrounds can influence financial decisions, communication styles, and even the way couples socialize.

For instance, one partner might be comfortable splurging on organic produce from a fancy market, while the other prefers a no-nonsense approach to groceries. These seemingly small differences can build up over time, adding layers of complexity to decisions about raising kids or choosing where to live.

Studies consistently show that socioeconomic disparities impact mental well-being and relationship satisfaction. Lower-income households often face higher levels of stress, which can create friction within relationships.

For couples aiming to build an intentional family, this means being aware of how class backgrounds can influence daily interactions and making an effort to align their values and goals.

Stiff Upper Lip: Good for Keeping Calm, Not So Great for Sharing Feelings

One of Britain’s cultural hallmarks is its "stiff upper lip" approach to life.

While this famous composure can be admirable in a crisis, it can be a bit of a stumbling block when it comes to building emotional intimacy.

Brits are known for their reserved nature, which can make talking about feelings feel a bit... awkward. For couples, this cultural tendency can translate into a struggle to openly discuss needs, frustrations, or even affection.

Research suggests that many British people are less likely to seek therapy until relationship issues become quite pronounced.

This often means that couples may wait longer to address underlying issues, making it harder to work through conflicts. For those committed to building an intentional family, setting the tone for open communication early on can help counterbalance these cultural habits. Think of it as a way of bringing a bit of sunshine into those famously grey days.

Brexit: When Politics Meets Pillow Talk

It’s no secret that Brexit shook up the UK in more ways than one.

It didn’t just divide the country; it divided dinner tables and even bedrooms.

Political disagreements over Brexit have caused rifts in relationships, particularly when partners find themselves on opposite sides of the debate. Suddenly, discussions about the future aren’t just about where to go on holiday, but whether the country is going in the right direction.

For multicultural couples, Brexit introduced additional complexities.

Changes in immigration rules and residency rights created uncertainties for many families where one partner is an EU national.

For couples working to create a stable and intentional family life, this has meant navigating bureaucratic challenges alongside the emotional ones. The key here is flexibility and a willingness to adapt—qualities that any seasoned Brit will recognize as essential.

City Life vs. Countryside Dreams: A Classic British Dilemma

Ah, the eternal tug-of-war between the charm of London’s cultural scene and the peace of the Cotswolds.

Deciding where to settle down is no small matter in the UK, especially when city life comes with sky-high rents and rural living means a slower pace.

This divide between urban and rural preferences can be a major sticking point for couples, especially when it comes to envisioning the kind of lifestyle they want for their family.

Studies indicate that access to green spaces is a key factor in mental well-being, yet this access can be harder to come by in urban areas. Urban families often face challenges like limited space and higher stress levels, while rural families might struggle with fewer job opportunities or long commutes.

Finding a balance between these two worlds—perhaps a charming market town with a train line—can be the sweet spot for many couples looking to raise kids with room to run and access to culture.

Alcohol and Social Life: A Double-Edged Sword

Let’s not forget Britain’s storied pub culture.

The pub isn’t just a place to get a pint; it’s a cornerstone of social life. But what happens when one partner is less keen on raising a glass than the other? While drinking is woven into many social gatherings, it can also become a source of tension, especially if one person wants to cut back.

Alcohol use is often intertwined with socioeconomic factors, with studies showing that while higher-income individuals might drink more, those in lower socioeconomic groups suffer more severe consequences from drinking.

For couples working toward a more intentional lifestyle, finding new ways to socialize without always defaulting to the pub can be a step toward creating a healthier, more connected family dynamic.

Housing: The Great British Squeeze

If you’ve ever tried to find a flat in London or Birmingham, you know that the UK housing market is a bit of a pressure cooker.

For many couples, the high cost of housing can put a strain on both finances and relationships, making it harder to save for the future or find a home with enough space for a growing family.

Research highlights that housing stress is linked to poorer mental health outcomes, and cramped living conditions can exacerbate tensions between partners. For those striving to build an intentional family, making thoughtful decisions about where to live—considering factors like proximity to work, schools, and even access to nature—becomes essential.

Birthrate Blues

The bottom line is that starting a family in Great Britain is a difficult undertaking.

As of 2024, the birth rate in the United Kingdom continues a trend of being relatively low, reflecting broader patterns across Europe.

The most recent figures indicate a crude birth rate of about 10 live births per 1,000 people. This level has remained steady from the previous year, following a gradual decline in the number of births over the past decade​ Office for National Statistics.

The total fertility rate (TFR) is approximately 1.75 births per woman, which remains below the replacement level of 2.1 needed to maintain a stable population​ Office for National Statistics.

If the birth rate in the UK remains low, several long-term consequences could arise.

First, a shrinking workforce may strain the economy, as fewer working-age folks to support an aging population. Yikes!

This will increase pressure on public services like pensions, healthcare, and social support systems, potentially leading to higher taxes or reduced benefits.

Additionally, a smaller population will impact economic growth by reducing consumer demand and innovation. Social implications may include shifts in cultural dynamics, as fewer young people could alter the structure of communities, schools, and family life.

Weather Woes: A National Bonding Experience

Lastly, let’s talk about the weather, because in Britain, it’s always worth a mention.

As in Canada, the long winters and grey skies can have a real impact on mood, with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) affecting a significant number of folks.

This can make the colder months a bit more challenging for relationships, as energy levels dip and tensions can rise.

But if you’re building an intentional family, you’re already thinking creatively, and this is just another opportunity to adapt. Whether it’s embracing a cozy indoor hobby, investing in some sunlight lamps, or planning sunny getaways when the drizzle feels never-ending, a little planning can make all the difference.

Making the Most of British Quirks

Starting an intentional family in Britain isn’t without its challenges, but for those willing to put in the effort, it can be a rewarding journey.

The quirks of British culture—whether it’s navigating class differences, adapting to the weather, or finding new ways to connect over a cuppa—are all part of what makes life there unique.

By embracing these elements with humor and a willingness to adapt, couples can build a family life that’s as sturdy as a pair of wellies in a downpour. But, as in the rest of Europe, the Human Experiment depends on making societies more family friendly.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Office for National Statistics. (2022). Social Class in the UK: Trends and Implications. Retrieved from https://www.ons.gov.uk/

Marmot, M. (2010). Fair Society, Healthy Lives: The Marmot Review. Retrieved from https://www.instituteofhealthequity.org/

PLOS ONE. (2023). Socioeconomic inequalities in mental health and wellbeing in the UK. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0292842

Bellis, M. A., & Hughes, K. (2015). Associations between alcohol consumption and socio-economic status in England. International Journal for Equity in Health, 14, 62.

Shelter UK. (2022). Impact of Housing Costs on Mental Health. Retrieved from https://england.shelter.org.uk/

NICE. (2021). Seasonal Affective Disorder: An Overview. National Institute for Health and Care Excellence.