15 Lesser-Known Autistic Traits in Women
Saturday, October 26, 2024.
Autism is often misunderstood, particularly when it comes to how it manifests in women. Unlike the more visible traits seen in men, autistic women tend to exhibit subtler characteristics that can easily be overlooked or misinterpreted.
As a result, many women remain undiagnosed until later in life, missing out on support that could have made a big difference.
This article discusses 15 lesser-known traits of autism in women, providing insights based on research to help improve understanding and promote acceptance of neurodiversity.
Increased Difficulty Navigating Romantic Relationships, and Even problems with Flirting
For many autistic women, dating and maintaining romantic relationships can feel like navigating a minefield. The subtle nuances and unspoken rules of romantic interactions often pose challenges.
Autistic women may also struggle with understanding flirtation or interpreting a partner's intentions, leading to frequent misunderstandings and anxiety in relationships. Hull et al. (2020) found that many women mask their traits during romantic interactions, contributing to internal stress.
Flirting relies heavily on reading subtle social cues, such as body language and tone shifts, which can be challenging for autistic women. This difficulty often leads to awkward or misunderstood interactions in romantic contexts, contributing to anxiety and self-doubt in dating situations.
Internalized Anxiety from Constantly Masking
Masking, or the act of concealing autistic traits to blend in socially, is common among autistic women. This effort to appear “normal” can result in chronic anxiety and emotional exhaustion.
The constant need to monitor their behavior takes a significant toll. According to research by Hull et al. (2019), this camouflaging behavior is more prevalent in women and is linked to increased feelings of depression and anxiety.
Suppressing Honesty to Make Others More Comfortable
Autistic women often suppress their true thoughts and feelings to avoid making others uncomfortable. This suppression can stem from a history of being misunderstood or dismissed when expressing their true selves.
As a result, many autistic women may feel isolated or like they’re not truly known by those around them. This tendency to put others’ comfort before their own authenticity is a common yet often overlooked trait.
Copy-and-Paste Behaviors
In social settings, many autistic women adopt behaviors they observe in others, essentially “copying and pasting” social norms and interactions to fit in.
This adaptive behavior helps them navigate unfamiliar environments, but it can also lead to feelings of disconnection from their own identity. Hull et al. (2017) described this camouflaging behavior as a survival strategy for managing social expectations.
Being Labeled “Sensitive” or“Gifted”
Many autistic women have been labeled as “sensitive” or “gifted” throughout their lives, often due to their heightened awareness of sensory stimuli or intense focus on specific interests.
These labels can overshadow the underlying autistic traits, leading to a delayed or missed diagnosis. Bargiela et al. (2016) noted that such labels can mask struggles with sensory sensitivities and social interactions.
Feeling Depleted After Social Events
Autistic women frequently experience social exhaustion, even when they enjoy socializing. The effort required to mask and adapt to social dynamics can leave them feeling drained. This need for recovery time is often misunderstood by others as aloofness or a lack of interest in maintaining friendships, yet it’s a critical part of managing social energy.
Secret Stims
Stimming, or self-stimulatory behavior, is common among autistic individuals and serves as a way to self-regulate emotions. However, many autistic women hide their stims to appear more socially acceptable. These “secret stims” might include tapping their fingers, playing with their hair, or subtly rocking. Hiding stims can further contribute to the stress of masking, as noted by Cage et al. (2018).
Feeling More True to Yourself in Writing Than in Person
Autistic women often feel more comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings through writing than in face-to-face conversations. Writing allows them to fully articulate their rich inner world without the immediate pressure of social cues and facial expressions. This preference for written communication is a common trait that allows for greater authenticity.
Comfort in Leadership Positions
Contrary to stereotypes about social challenges, many autistic women thrive in leadership roles where expectations are clear and structured. These positions provide a sense of predictability that contrasts with the ambiguity of casual social interactions.
Mandy and Tchanturia (2015) noted that this comfort in structured environments allows many autistic women to excel in professional settings.
Good at Gaslighting Yourself
Autistic women often question their perceptions, doubting their experiences to align with societal norms. This self-doubt can manifest as a tendency to “gaslight” themselves, invalidating their own feelings and experiences. This behavior can stem from a lifetime of being told that their reactions are “overblown” or “too sensitive,” leading to internal conflict.
Rich Inner Dialogue That’s Hard to Articulate
A vivid inner world is common among autistic women, filled with detailed thoughts, ideas, and self-reflection. However, they may find it challenging to express these thoughts verbally, often feeling that spoken words fail to capture the complexity of their inner dialogue. This disconnect can lead to frustration and a sense of being misunderstood.
Fewer Female Friends/Preference for Non-Females
Autistic women may find it easier to connect with men or non-binary folks due to differences in social dynamics and communication styles.
They often feel that they are on a different wavelength than their female peers, making it harder to maintain friendships with women. This can result in a smaller social circle and a sense of isolation.
Feeling Really Different from Female Peers
Throughout their lives, many autistic women experience a profound sense of being different from their female peers. This feeling of otherness can intensify during adolescence and persist into adulthood. Sutherland et al. (2017) highlighted that this sense of difference contributes to feelings of social isolation and misunderstanding.
Successful in School but Struggling Socially
Autistic women often excel academically due to their focus and attention to detail. However, their academic success can mask the social challenges they face outside the classroom. This contrast between academic achievement and social struggles can delay recognition of their need for support, as noted by Lai et al. (2015).
Socially Appropriate Special Interests
While autistic women are known for having deep interests, they develop passions that align with socially acceptable norms, such as literature, art, or psychology. These special interests may go unnoticed because they fit within traditional feminine roles, but the depth and focus of these interests are just as intense as those seen in their male counterparts.
Embracing the Complexity of Autism in Women
Recognizing these traits is essential for understanding how autism presents in women.
It’s best that we increase awareness. that way, we can create more inclusive environments where autistic women feel seen, understood, and accepted.
Discerning the diversity that exists within autism allows us to support autistic women in embracing their authentic selves, reducing the pressure to mask or conform to social norms.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Bargiela, S., Steward, R., & Mandy, W. (2016). The Experiences of Late-Diagnosed Women with Autism Spectrum Conditions: An Investigation of the Female Autism Phenotype. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 46(10), 3281-3294. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-016-2872-8
Cage, E., Di Monaco, J., & Newell, V. (2018). Experiences of Autism Acceptance and Mental Health in Autistic Adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 48(2), 473-484. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-3342-7
Hull, L., Mandy, W., Lai, M.-C., Baron-Cohen, S., Allison, C., Smith, P., & Petrides, K. V. (2019). Development and Validation of the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q). Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(3), 819-833. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-018-3792-6
Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Lai, M.-C., & Mandy, W. (2017). "Putting on My Best Normal": Social Camouflaging in Adults with Autism Spectrum Conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519-2534. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-3166-5
Lai, M.-C., Lombardo, M. V., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2015). Autism. The Lancet, 383(9920), 896-910. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(13)61539-1
Mandy, W., & Tchanturia, K. (2015). Do Women with Autism Spectrum Conditions Experience Eating Disorders More Often and Differently Than Typical Women? Clinical Psychology Review, 40, 32-45. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2015.05.006
Sutherland, R., Hodge, M. A., Bruck, S., Costley, D., & Klieve, H. (2017). Parent-Reported Differences Between School-Aged Girls and Boys on the the Autism Spectrum. Autism, 21(6), 785-794. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361316677556